One of my teachers had this knowledge that he taught us: How to forecast the weather by looking at the clouds around the Matterhorn. Cause it all depends on whether they’re stuck, whether they’re dragging, or whether they’re close to the peak.
And the same way we learned how to predict snowfall in winter, solely based on the mood in the classroom. Apparently this has something to do with the pressure in the air, I never really found out. But there were clear signals, kids being out of control was the most important one. And our teacher was always right with his predictions.
Sometimes when I tell people that I grew up in Zermatt, they ask if I really mean Zermatt, or rather a suburb. The town is so well-known that many find it surprising to hear this.
And so I am back in Zermatt for a few days. I escaped the heat in the city. Up here it’s actually bearable, certainly the nights are nice and cool. And by the looks of the green grass there must have been rainfall over the past few weeks, which is lacking in the rest of the country.
I did get to the point this week where I felt grief for the planet, grief for the environment that we handle so carelessly. I suddenly didn’t feel any hope anymore, but rather a sense that this will end in disaster.
This feeling arrived the way snow used to, before anyone had looked outside.
I had sat down at a park in close to my home and looked at the dead grass, the many brown leaves on the trees and the lake that currently has a lot less water in it.
There’s nothing to do about it in that moment, I can’t water all the trees. So what’s left are the emotions that come up.
Grief, overwhelm, sadness, maybe still hope somewhere. And I just had to let it happen. To experience these emotios in the very moment, without rejecting them.
Of course I didn’t want to feel any of it, because I was convinced that I deserved to be happy, carefree, not having to have to worry about what’s going on.
I was anxious I might be consumed by grief or sadness. But interestingly enough I was not. I watched it appear. Years ago this would have left me depressed for days.
And that’s the point. If I don’t fall into the trap of taking my thoughts as the literal self, I can carry any emotion, any experience that comes up.
I told myself I came here to escape the heat up in the mountains. But maybe it was all for a sense of home, a sense of comfort.
I still see the same kind of flowers that I used to see growing up, I still see many of the houses that were already here when I went to kindergarten.
There are more tourists, there is a new school, it is warmer than it used to be.