What if when you ask a question, you don’t try to make it about you? Who should the question serve when you ask it?

This is day 3 of asking better questions (day 1, day 2).

Sometimes we can’t help but try to steer the conversation when we ask a question. We ask a question because we expect it to have a specific outcome or to take the conversation in a specific direction. Is this what questions really should be about?

What if instead you just tried to ask with genuine curiosity and a willingness to listen? Without thinking that you know what the outcome is going to be? But curious to learn and to find a new insight or progress in what’s being said.

The key is to ask questions without preconceptions or agendas. And to give time and space for the answer and for the other person. Not to draw conclusions for them. Isn’t this what leadership should also be about? Curiosity and openness for person you’re with at that moment?

For example:

• Instead of “Why did you do that?” ask “How did you approach this issue?
• Instead of “Do you agree with me?” try “What do you think about this?
• So instead of “Can I give you some advice?” try “How can I best help you?
• And instead of “did you enjoy the meeting?” ask “what is your take away?”

Try to go even deeper and keep it simple.

There is often more to it than the first answer. A “What else is there? What else comes up” can get you there.

Asking questions can literally be the key to your personal success. It will also leave a lasting impression on the other person. It will you show you care and are curious about them. And it will show that they are seen and heard.

It’s a simple act, but one that makes all the difference. When you ask a question, always ask yourself first “Is this about you – or something you want to teach? Or is it about learning something from the other person?”.

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