The better outcome, the better future, the stress-free job, the promotion, the loving relationship, the better eating habits, the better sleep, the more exercise, the happier self, the many books read – they all have one thing in common for many of my coaching clients.

They are all supposed to happen at some unknown time in the future.

Certainly not now. Not today.

But maybe next Monday, next month, next year. Maybe when this project or that job is finished.

Only then is that positive future possible.

Add some thoughts from the past

To complete this picture of an elusive positive future, regrets from the past come back to haunt you. If only you had said this, done that, thought about something else, taken a different course of study, chosen a different job.

Whatever it is, something in the past holds you back from living a full and happy life.

Can you relate to any of these points?

Perhaps they’re slightly different. But the common tone is one of regretting past actions and hoping for good, positive actions in the future. But never actually living the good life in the now.

And the culprit? What if it’s just your thoughts? What if none of this really matters? Because what really matters is what you are doing in the now? Whether you are making the most of it at this very moment?

Overthinking is human

It’s human (and you’re not alone in this) to get caught up in an endless pattern of thinking. Not to your advantage, on the contrary. The kind of thinking that keeps you stuck, that keeps you longing for happiness.

It’s the kind of happiness or fulfilment that must come from something outside of you. Maybe it’s a car, a bonus, a new computer, an apartment, a nice holiday, a fancy dinner. Name it. Maybe it’s even your partner, who is supposed to fill the void.

The lack of awareness of what is there now, makes you long for feeling complete and happy by seeking external validation. And that can never be fullfilled.

Because it doesn’t last and it leaves out the crucial point, which is: True happiness comes from oneself.

That happiness can be found when you realise that everything you need is here and now.

No promotion will give you that, no bonus, no new challenge.

I wrote about this before when I quoted from “Alice through the looking glass” when the White Queen tells Alice that “It’s never jam today, it’s always jam yesterday or jam tomorrow. But never jam today.” and as far as I remember she also mentions it’s only every other day.

So you can’t ever have that jam. It remains out of reach.

How this relates to your job

If you believe that tomorrow will magically bring you that relief from stress. If you believe that your boss will out of the blue recognise your many extra efforts and promote you or tell you to take half a day off, it won’t happen.

And what if you think that anyone around you at work will be able to fix your relationship, it won’t happen either.

A more fullfilled and happy life or career starts with recognising that it’s within you to make that happen. That it’s not up to anyone around you.

You can give in to the doubts or imposter syndrome, you can give in to all that unfinished work and the many task on your to do list. But that nagging feeling of “something better could or should be there” will keep on bothering you.

You can decide to change that. Work on yourself. Not fixated on a better future. But with the desire and motivation to improve your current self now.

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