My client had, what I call, a discipline delusion. Believing that he wasn’t disciplined enough.

A client recently uttered this phrase and it struck a familiar chord within me. He was describing the all-too-common feeling of overwhelm by the sheer volume of tasks and aspirations that fill our modern lives. Work deadlines, family commitments, health goals, hobbies, career ambitions, social engagements… the list seems endless. And when we inevitably fail to juggle it all with perfect efficiency, we often internalise the blame. Labelling ourselves as lacking in discipline or willpower.

I remember experiencing similar feelings of guilt and inadequacy in my own life. The pressure to excel in all areas, to be constantly productive, and to tick off every item on the ever-growing to-do list can be overwhelming. The desire to maintain a thriving career, nurture meaningful relationships, prioritise health and well-being, pursue passions, and still have time for relaxation and self-care can feel like an impossible balancing act. And when we inevitably fall short, the inner critic pipes up. And it will whisper accusations of laziness, lack of focus, or insufficient discipline.

But what if this relentless pursuit of “doing it all” is a misguided endeavour? What if, instead of a lack of discipline, the real culprit is a flawed belief that we should be able to do it all? What if this constant striving for more, better, and faster is actually a distraction, preventing us from fully appreciating and engaging with the present moment?

The Tyranny of “Should”

The word “should” carries a heavy weight. It implies an obligation, a standard to be met, a measure of our worth. When we tell ourselves we “should” be able to do it all, we set ourselves up for disappointment and self-criticism. We create an internal pressure cooker where guilt and inadequacy simmer beneath the surface, ready to erupt at the slightest perceived failure.

This “should” mentality often stems from societal expectations and the pervasive narrative of the “ideal” individual – the one who effortlessly juggles a successful career, a fulfilling personal life, and a perfectly curated Instagram feed. But this ideal is often an illusion, a carefully constructed façade that masks the inevitable trade-offs and compromises of real life.

The Productivity Trap

In our productivity-obsessed culture, we’re constantly bombarded with messages about maximising efficiency, optimising our time, and squeezing every last drop of output from our day. While productivity can certainly be valuable, an excessive focus on it can become a trap, leading to burnout, stress, and a diminished sense of well-being.

When we prioritize “doing” over “being,” we risk losing sight of what truly matters. We sacrifice moments of joy, connection, and simple pleasures in the relentless pursuit of achieving more. We become slaves to our to-do lists, our calendars overflowing with obligations, leaving little room for spontaneity, rest, or genuine connection with ourselves and others.

Reframing “Discipline delusion”

True discipline, I believe, is not about forcing ourselves to do it all. It’s about making conscious choices, setting realistic goals, and prioritizing what truly matters. It’s about recognizing our limitations, embracing imperfection, and cultivating a compassionate inner dialogue.

Instead of berating ourselves for not being able to do it all, we can reframe discipline as the ability to:

• Prioritise: Identify what truly matters and focus our energy on those areas.
• Set Boundaries: Learn to say “no” to commitments that drain our energy or distract us from our priorities.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, recognizing that we are all works in progress.
• Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the need for perfection and allow ourselves to make mistakes and learn from them.
• Find Joy in the Process: Focus on the journey, not just the destination. Appreciate the small victories and find satisfaction in the effort itself.

The Power of Presence

When we release the pressure to do it all, we create space for something far more valuable: presence. Presence is about being fully engaged in the here and now, appreciating the richness of each moment, and connecting with ourselves and the world around us on a deeper level.

By cultivating presence, we can break free from the tyranny of “should” and the productivity trap. And with this we can let go of the discipline delusion. We can find greater joy in our work, deeper connection in our relationships, and a more profound sense of peace and fulfillment in our lives.

Conclusion

So, the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to do it all, remember this: You are not lacking in discipline. You are simply human. Embrace your limitations, prioritize what truly matters, and cultivate presence in your daily life. You might be surprised by the freedom, joy, and fulfillment you discover when you let go of the need to do it all and embrace the power of being present.

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