I used to not know how to go about escaping ‘what ifs’ . Not just at work, but in every corner of my life. My mind was a relentless generator of hypothetical anxieties: “What if the planet burns down before I retire?” “What if I’ve chosen the wrong job and only realize it when it’s too late?” “What if others are better than me?” These “what ifs” created a constant undercurrent of unease, a sense of impending doom that colored my present moment.

Perhaps you recognize this feeling. The constant mental chatter, the endless speculation about potential futures, the gnawing fear that you’re not good enough or that something terrible is about to happen. It’s a draining and disempowering way to live.

But over the past 12-18 months, I’ve undergone a profound shift in my relationship with these “what if” thoughts. I’ve learned how to detach from them, to observe them without getting swept away by their emotional current. This transformation hasn’t been about suppressing or fighting my thoughts, but rather about changing my relationship to them.

Should you trust your thoughts to be true?

The key insight has been this: why trust that your thoughts are true, especially when you don’t even know where they originate? Thoughts arise spontaneously, often seemingly out of nowhere. They’re not necessarily reflections of reality; they’re simply mental events. When we take every thought personally, when we identify with them as if they define who we are, we become trapped in a cycle of worry and self-doubt.

This understanding has been truly transformative. By not taking every thought at face value, I’ve created space between myself and my mental chatter. This space allows me to observe my thoughts with greater clarity and detachment, without getting caught up in their emotional drama.

Escaping “What ifs,” like overthinking in general, can hold us back from living fully in the present. They distract us from the opportunities and joys that are available to us right now. They keep us stuck in hypothetical scenarios, preventing us from taking action and moving forward with confidence.

This is something I frequently address with my coaching clients. I help them develop the skills to observe their thoughts without judgment, to disidentify from the stories their minds create, and to find a sense of peace and presence in the midst of uncertainty. This often leads to a newfound sense of freedom, a liberation from the constant grip of worry and self-doubt.

This approach aligns deeply with principles of non-duality, which emphasizes the inherent wholeness and peace that exists within each of us, independent of our thoughts and circumstances. By recognizing this inherent wholeness, we can begin to relate to our thoughts in a new way, not as threats or defining characteristics, but as fleeting mental events that come and go.

A shift from what ifs

This shift in perspective can be incredibly liberating, allowing you to finally achieve escaping ‘what ifs’:

• Reduce stress and anxiety: By not taking every thought personally, you lessen the emotional impact of negative thinking.
• Increase self-awareness: Observing our thoughts with detachment allows you to understand your mental patterns and triggers.
• Enhance focus and clarity: By quieting the mental chatter, you can focus more effectively on the present moment and make clearer decisions.
• Cultivate inner peace: By recognizing the inherent wholeness within, you find a sense of peace that’s independent of external circumstances.

If you’re tired of being held captive by “what ifs” and overthinking, I invite you to explore this approach further. Perhaps the freedom you seek isn’t something you need to find in the future, but something you can discover right here, right now, by changing your relationship with your thoughts.

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