It’s quite telling that, when you look up what people search for on Google in relation to trust at work, one of the more popular search terms is ‘How do I create a team that trusts me?’.

This in itself reveals so much.

It’s a clear ‘you and I’ situation, whereby the question seems to be ‘what should I do’ or ‘how can I make them’.

This raises the question of whether trust is a one-way transaction, leading to the conclusion that there is something ‘I must do’.

But can trust be crossed off your to-do list once you believe it has been achieved? And if so, how would you measure it? In an attempt to win your team’s trust, you suddenly find yourself trying to control the outcome rather than building genuine connections.

So, what if trust is not a quality that someone can give, but rather one that emerges in a relationship from a collective ‘we’?

What would you have to change to achieve this?

The Problem with the Old Framework

The traditional approach to building trust often treats it like a project. We read articles and books filled with checklists: “Share personal stories,” “be vulnerable,” “delegate more.” While these actions can be helpful, they can become a performance—a transactional effort to “win” trust, not to build it.

This mindset creates a subtle but powerful tension. The more you “do” to be trusted, the more you focus on the outcome. This can lead to a feeling of inauthenticity, where you are performing a role rather than simply being a trustworthy person. It turns your team into an audience and your actions into a script.

My Own Journey with the Illusion of Control

When I stepped into my first leadership role, I was faced with the question of how to create trust in my team. Trust has always been fundamentally important to me. I could never imagine working in a team without trust.

I have always led with trust. Above all, this means trusting the abilities of my team. I trust that the right people are in place to do the work. I am always available to provide support if necessary. However, I have found that letting them solve problems with autonomy is key.

A big shift happened when I was coached for the first time. This made me realise that during my one-to-one conversations with team members, I didn’t need to provide guidance, direction or answers. Instead, I could simply allow the conversation to unfold naturally (at the time, I may have used a different vocabulary to describe this process).

My approach to one-to-ones changed in that I let them be an hour for the team members and whatever topics needed to emerge. This created a huge positive shift in the whole team dynamic.

This in turn created a new level of trust. It wasn’t a trust that I created through a process, but one that emerged from this more collective approach.

A Non-Dual Approach to Trust: Embracing “We”

In a non-dual view, the rigid line between “you” and “I” dissolves. There is no separate “I” who must manipulate a situation to “make” the “other” do something. Instead, there is a shared space where reality unfolds.

From this perspective, trust isn’t a commodity to be earned or given. It is a quality of the relationship itself—an emergent property of the collective “we.” It’s not something you do to someone; it’s something that arises among everyone.

So, instead of a checklist, here are a few shifts in mindset and behavior that allow trust to emerge:

• From Giving Advice to Creating Space: Instead of constantly providing answers, ask questions that create space for your team’s ideas to surface. This shows you trust their wisdom and capability, which is the foundation of them trusting yours.
• From Judging to Wondering: Move away from binary judgments of “right or wrong,” “good or bad.” Instead, approach situations with curiosity and wonder. Ask, “What is unfolding here?” rather than “Who is at fault?” This fosters psychological safety.
• From Controlling the Outcome to Embracing the Process: Let go of your attachment to a specific result. When you can be fully present in the process and embrace the unfolding of events—even the messy ones—your team sees your authenticity and resilience.

The Takeaway – What Would You Change?

Building trust is not about following a recipe. It’s about a fundamental shift in your relationship with control, outcomes, and your team. It’s about letting go of the frown on your forehead and the mental loop that keeps you stuck.

So, coming back to the question: What would you have to change to achieve this? Perhaps the first step isn’t to do more, but to simply let go of something. How could the question ‘how to create trust in my team?’ even change?

Less doing, more being?

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