Sometimes, the most profound shifts in our experience come from the subtlest of adjustments. It’s often not about grand gestures or sweeping changes. But rather the quiet, almost imperceptible tweaks we make to our perception and language.

Recently, one of my clients, a driven and highly capable leader, opened up about the persistent stress she was experiencing. It wasn’t a fleeting moment of tension. But a pervasive sense of unease that seemed to colour every aspect of her day. She would frequently articulate her state with the phrase, “I am stressed”. A seemingly innocuous statement that, in its very simplicity, tied her inextricably to that feeling, making it an identity rather than a temporary state.

Detaching from stress

As a crucial first step toward change, and to help her navigate the turbulent waters of stress, I suggested a subtle but powerful linguistic shift. Instead of claiming ownership of the feeling with “I am stressed,” I proposed she rephrase her experience.

“This situation (moment, conversation) made me feel stressed.”

This minor alteration in wording proved to be remarkably helpful. As it helped create a vital sense of distance between her and the emotion. It was no longer an inherent part of her being. But rather a response to external stimuli.

(I also encourage you to revisit my previous post on second-hand stress. Where I explored a powerful way to reframe stress, and how stress can be passed from person to person without direct contact).

Building upon this initial shift, the next step involves delving deeper into the specifics of each situation. We are working to uncover the intricate details of “what about this situation made you feel stressed?” This process serves as a way to unravel the complexity of each moment. To dissect the contributing factors, and to gain a clearer understanding of the triggers that ignite the feeling.

The easy solution for you

The fundamental principle at play here is that not identifying yourself with stress can be an immensely helpful. It’s a subtle change, almost a whisper in the grand scheme of things. But one that brought my client a profound awareness. She realised that stress was not a constant state of being. An immutable characteristic, but rather a transient response to specific situations. It was a revelation that offered her a sense of agency, a recognition that she was not a victim of her emotions, but rather a participant in their unfolding.

By creating a small space between the ‘I’ and the ‘stressed’, she allowed herself to see the stress as a visitor, not a resident. This allowed her to investigate the causes of the visit, and therefore, to reduce the amount of visits. This small shift, the subtle change in language, brought a powerful awareness, and allowed for the beginning of a transformation.

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